Cosmopolis: A Robert Pattinson vehicle, apparently

So... there are a lot of things about the film industry that really get me down. The fact that Battleship exists, for one. Michael Bay’s inordinate wealth and his continued propensity to put racist jokes in his films. Joseph Nicol McGinty insisting that his family have called him “McG” since he was a toddler and nobody calling him on it. McG being given a Terminator movie. People making excuses for McG’s Terminator movie, even though it was awful. McG existing.

McG. DIRECTING.

Today there is one thing in particular that bums me out. Casting of leads in movies that are otherwise interesting being driven by marketing and synergy and greed, collectively known as “buzz” rather than casting these actors being driven by the idea that the film could do with someone who can act. I will probably never watch In Time, because let’s be honest, who cares? Amanda Seyfried? Justin Timberlake? Dear God. Timberlake had me fooled actually, but he’s pretty limited. Like, they’ll probably start putting him in movies with Sam Worthington soon to make the Australian actor look talented by comparison. Whoa. I mean, even Cillian Murphy surely being great can’t get me interested in that film.

I’d like to rephrase that: the director who made Gattaca and The Truman Show, not classics but totally worthwhile and really interesting sci-fi films both, made a film that essentially functions as an homage to Logan’s Run and I don’t want to watch it. That’s how utterly dispiriting it is to me that they chose cardboard “star” actors as the leads. Pretty grim.

And now... I never thought I’d live to see the words Robert Pattinson and David Cronenberg in the same sentence, but here we are. I had been completely unaware of this film until today. Now maybe, just maybe, they are going to get away with this by actually taking advantage of Pattinson’s inability to act in any kind of convincing manner to go for an off-beat vibe. You know, challenging the audience with a story that won’t simply conform to standard genre expectations and a lead actor who is really terrible? But still... Robert Pattinson?

Let’s get something straight here; I am under no illusion that I know as much about film-making as David Cronenberg. I’m speaking as a layman here. I can’t stand this, though. Pattinson? It’s a joke. The whole thing reeks of the movie looking for funding, Pattinson’s agent working the “he needs something edgy after the pedophilic vampire series” angle and getting him into the film cheap and mucking up some publicity. It has nothing to do with the film being good. Cronenberg can make it work, I assume, but what if he can’t? Ok, it won’t be a tragedy or anything, but I’d rather have a Cronenberg movie I liked than one I thought was ok except for the 85% of the running time that featured a borderline unwatchable actor.

What’s next, taking a really interesting take on a classic faery tale that apparently features a knock-out performance from a talented actress and put Kristen Stewart in it?

 

Nuts.