Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
SXSW happened last week. It was cool. I decided to instigate my new “whatever I’m doing is awesome and fun” policy, and everything I did was awesome. And fun.
I didn’t really see a lot of “hot”, “fresh” or otherwise oddly food-related adjective wielding music bands. Though I did see the Local Natives.
So, what's the guy second from the right looking at?
Despite coming from Los Angeles, this band is really good. My theory is that they don’t really come from LA, but they’re so out of touch they think people will think they’re amazing if they ARE from LA.
Much more concerning than that however, is the band’s shameless brandishing of a good old fashioned moustache. Perhaps even a moustache and a half. Now, let’s face it, hardened New York/Chicago based cops in the 1970s aside, moustaches are a terrible idea.
There are some exceptions beyond the hardened detective rule. I have actually met people who can rock a moustache. This gentleman from the Local Natives is successfully rocking a moustache. And, lest we forget, one of the more important acting careers of recent times is due completely to an impressive moustache.
This man was the star of Quigley Down Under AND Mr. Baseball. Just think about that.
The problem is, you’re all playing with fire! Moustaches are just too dangerous. For every man out there wearing the look well, there are at least three people who are contributing to the downfall of humanity by either trying to make a crappy moustache work or (shudder) by wearing one “ironically.”
Elf Hipster
It’s not worth it. It’s just not. Before we know it our civilization will be in tatters. Think of what we associate with moustaches: massive crime rates in 1970s New York, Hawaiian shirts, European imperialism. All of these things suck! Combined with hipster “irony”, we could be facing a cultural vacuum of total protonic reversal magnitude. The risk is just too great.
4 Comments
YIKES! You just shorted out my libido in a flash of hot and cold, from the fireworks of the SUPER FINE Mr. Selleck to the chilling nausea inducement of the aptly named Elf Hipster.
My husband is currently rocking a rather distinguished mustache. And yet, even though he dressed as Magnum P.I. for Halloween, he is still no FINE FINE SUPERFINE Mr. Selleck.
Ha ha! You and my mum have similar hotness barometers, I think. I was always weirded out that she found Tom Selleck attractive.
Over the weekend said husband reminded me how a real man rocks a moustache. If only I were man enough!
That is AWESOME that your mom and I have the same taste in men.
I was about to make a weird joke about being introduced to your dad, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it!
I have two words for you “Phil Dunphy”.
Great article.