Like dolphins, dolphins can swim

This post began as a personal rant against the evolution of the television series Heroes, but I’ve become diverted by something considerably more important, and yes, apocalyptic.

It’s a fitting word really, considering the continuing reboot of the Heroes storyline to incorporate various versions of a future apocalypse which our ‘heroes’ must then strive to prevent. Unfortunately, it’s also fitting because Heroes has come to embody a lot of the problems in popular media.

You see, Heroes started out really well. The first season was pure fanboy-thrilling sci-fi fun, with interesting characters, a well-thought out story, and a clear narrative framework.

Season two was so bad I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, cry, or write a furious forum post to register my disgust.

Season three, however, morphed into something completely different. Heroes became television in its purest form, or in other words, crap. The makers of Heroes completely broke the show, changing the roles of characters and switching them around from episode to episode… Now this guy is the bad guy…. Now THIS guy is the bad guy… Now they’re ALL bad guys!!! The show could have survived such utter ridiculousness if not for the fact it pushed certain members of the cast too far, and exposed their limitations (I’m looking at you, Hayden Panettiere).

I can’t be too hard on someone that had to pose in this outfit for a year of her life.

I should point out that it’s difficult to have a problem with an actor struggling with a role, when that actor’s character is continuously making ridiculous and infuriating decisions that make no sense whatsoever and have clearly been written up to move the plot along. That’s the trick to enjoying Heroes in its third season: it’s ridiculous. A soap opera for nerds. They’ve given up trying to produce a show that makes any type of sense. The only way to enjoy the show anymore is to leave common sense at the door and revel in its utter ridiculousness.

High five, turtle.

This ridiculousness takes me to the real point of this article: the absolutely phenomenal publicity shots regularly released to promote Heroes.

There are basic rules here. Everyone must look intense, contemplative, bewildered, or photoshopped.

“Iconic” poses are also acceptable. Dodgy photoshopping is maintained.

The cast of Heroes are able to look either intense or confused in casual All-American settings as well.

When in doubt, get everyone to look in the middle distance. This does not have to be the same imaginary spot. Perhaps we are meant to deduce that there is lots of stuff going on wherever the group picture was taken.

I have no idea what is going on here. Trying to give the impression of movement was perhaps not the best idea the creator of this disaster has ever had.

I think I’m most disappointed in the surreptitious nature of Heroes’ clear and unquestioned sell-out. House has equally ridiculous publicity shots, or would if it had an equally large ‘ensemble’ cast, and suffers from repeated attempts by FOX to market the show as some kind of steroid-fuelled mix of Die Hard and Diagnosis Murder. That show, however, has remained watchable and more or less true to its original roots. Heroes became a weird version of The Young and The Restless aimed at people that play video games.

Yes, I am looking forward to Season Four.